The Meaning of Love
by jusobele
Summary: This is a short one shot written for JBNPs May Challenge, which was to write a bad boy Seth. And that's all there is to it!


**A/N: This is just a short one shot that was written for May's writing challenge on JBNP. As it's now June, rather than have it hiding in the archives I thought I'd post it up here too. The challenge was to write a bad boy Seth, which definitely sounded like a challenge to me, hence this short fic. That's all there is to this one lol.**

**And while I'm talking about JBNP, niamhg interviewed me for their In The Spotlight section and it's now posted up. Add jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com/ to the address below to check it out:)  
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** group/inthespotlight/forum/topics/in-the-spotlight-3rd-anniversary-writer-s-interview-with-jusobele**

**I've also given in and opened a twitter account to tweet about new chapters/fics etc... (at)jusobele**

**And finally, I have been overwhelmed with the love coming at me for The Ties That Bind Us. Your PMs, awards nominations and reviews keep coming in and I'm so grateful to everyone that I've decided to start the sequel early. I'll put an update on Ties when it happens, or you can look out for it on my profile. It's called Bonds of our Souls.**

Seth's hand rested on the door handle as he hesitated for just the briefest moment before depressing it. _No going back now. _He stepped through the door and prepared to meet the accusing and angry glares with a defiant one of his own.

The casket lay at the front of the hall. Most of the reservation had come out to attend this funeral. Of course they had. Old Quil's passing would be mourned by every single member of the tribe. Yes, even Seth Clearwater. He was here to pay his last respects. The young man who respected nobody.

The ripple of disapproval started at the back of the hall and moved in a wave to the front. Seth's acute hearing allowed him to hear a lot of it. He was slightly bored to find there was nothing new. _Troublemaker. Thief. Womaniser. Thug. _

Guilty as charged. Every fuckin' time. Seth caught his sister's eye and saw her disbelief quickly replaced by apprehension. He quirked one side of his mouth up in a taunting smirk. Let her worry. He had no intention of causing trouble today. Not at Old Quil's funeral. But hell, nobody needed to know that. Nice that Leah had found her happy ever after. Ironic that the bitch from hell had turned into Miss Sweetness and Light, while the sunny, invisible boy had become the Elders' worst nightmare.

Oh yeah, he had been invisible. To everyone except the old man who had now passed to the other side. Today must be the day for irony. Old Quil's influence had begun at a funeral. It was fitting that it would end at a funeral too.

Seth's invisibility had first become apparent to him when his dad died. His mom had retreated into herself. His sister's anger had increased tenfold. Seth had been - well, Seth, really. Or his younger self anyway. Nobody had probed beneath the surface of his sad smile. Nobody had asked was he okay, really? The Elders had tiptoed around Sue. Family and friends had walked on eggshells around Leah. Seth had been clapped on the back amidst murmurs of 'He's a good kid. He'll be fine'. As if one always led to the other.

_It was at Harry's funeral that the first wave of anger had hit him. Harry had gone, and left him with his bitch of a sister and a broken mom. When Jacob Black, who Seth had always idolised, walked past him with nothing more than a nod, fury had begun to boil in the pit of Seth's stomach. Only Old Quil had noticed. Taking the boy aside, he had searched his eyes and his brow had furrowed with concern._

"_Talk to me, Seth," he had said._

"_What's the point?" the boy had asked glumly. "Talking won't make any difference. Dad will still be gone. Mom'll still be a mess. Leah will be angry. Even Jake won't talk to me anymore."_

"_Listen to me Seth," the old man had urged him. With his withered hands on the boy's shoulders, he had impressed one very important point on him. "Do not bottle everything up. If you need to talk and nobody is listening, you come to me."_

Seth often wondered what the old man had seen in his eyes that day. Maybe he really was just a magic man. And he was gone now, too. Seth continued to walk up the hall. His eye was caught by Sam Uley's. His Alpha looked like he wanted to issue him with an order. Sure, make me cower at your feet. Wouldn't be the first time.

_Seth remembered the first time. He had just phased and was frightened and confused. A command issued in a gruff voice in his head had him grovelling in the dirt. He could hardly believe it when a familiar voice had cut in._

"_Ah c'mon Sam, ease up. He's just a kid."_

_Jake. Seth's new status as a wolf suddenly seemed more appealing. For a while, he had been happy enough. He was part of the inner circle and he had supernatural abilities. He quickly realised though that even with a whole crowd inside his mind, he was still invisible._

_The cacophony of noise and images that crowded the pack mind more than drowned out Seth's quieter thoughts. Every wolf was so wrapped up in his or her own problems, that Seth was continually ignored. Jake, of course, was lost in thoughts of Bella. Sam was caught up in his responsibilities. Leah obsessed over Sam while Jared obsessed over Kim. Embry worried about his mom, Paul was constantly angry, and Quil was just Quil._

_Little Seth Clearwater was overlooked, again and again. His own sister never even thought about him, other than to be irritated if he landed a better patrol shift than her. At first, Seth didn't really mind. But when he had saved the fuckin' day by taking out Riley and nobody had flickered an eyelid, the anger kicked in again. The whole pack noisily relived the chunks they had taken out of leeches in the clearing. They bragged about legs ripped off and cheered that Victoria was gone. Not a single one of them saw the pride in Seth's mind over the key role he had played in that fight._

_That was the first time Seth had abused the perks of being in the pack. He had told his mom he was patrolling, knowing nobody would be concerned enough about him to check up on his whereabouts. He had gone to Forks, drank like a sailor, and lost his virginity to a local slut against the wall round the back of the building. It was, he realised, an effective way of dealing with his increasing anger._

_He was discreet. He was still Seth Clearwater and he didn't want to worry his mom. But the drinking and the girls became commonplace. He had to resort to stealing to fund the booze. His pocket money was a pittance, all his mom could afford. Wolf speed and stealth helped him successfully pick pockets around Forks and La Push. His mind was too quiet. His guilt and memories barely registered on the radar of the pack mind. Anytime one of the guys realised Seth was thinking of sex, they assumed he was fantasising._

_Again, it was Old Quil who had realised things were going wrong. He had watched, one Christmas Eve, as Seth had thrown back a glass of liquor like an old hand. _

"_Not your first drink, was it, son?" he asked. Seth had just shrugged and poured another. "It's not the answer, Seth. You know your metabolism doesn't make it worthwhile."_

_Seth had decided to be honest with the old man. "It helps for a while." _

"_Don't keep it all inside," Old Quil had again advised him. _

"_You wouldn't think I'd be able to with the pack mind," Seth had laughed scathingly. Old Quil just looked worried._

A few more steps up the hall brought Seth alongside Billy Black. The Chief only glanced at him. He had aged dreadfully over the past couple of years. Jake's decision to abandon his tribe and his pack to be with his imprint had broken his father completely. Seth remembered that time too clearly.

_Jake imprinting on a baby that was half-mortal-enemy had sent shockwaves throughout the pack. Two packs, actually. But the two packs had quickly become one again when Jake had turned his back on his own brother and sister, and left with a coven of mortal enemies. Nobody had invited Seth along. Not Jake, and not Edward, who claimed to have seen inside Seth's mind. Nobody had asked what Seth wanted. He had just been dispatched back to Sam's pack with scarcely a goodbye. Leah had at least been in the same position, but as always she had been so wrapped up in her own anger that she had missed Seth's. _

_The women and the drink weren't enough after that. The first time Seth had allowed his fist to connect with a burly biker's nose, the satisfying crunch became his new high. Bar brawl after bar brawl was harder to be discreet about than a quick fuck with a slut who never even knew his name. Seth's face became synonymous with trouble in every bar in Forks. One by one, he was banned from them all. He started to travel further afield. Different bars in different towns. Slam back a few drinks, slam into a willing girl outside or in a back room somewhere, slam his fist into some prick or other who looked like he could survive it. _

_It was rapidly becoming a way of life. The invisible boy was starting to become visible and the pack and his family could scarcely believe the rumours they were hearing. They were all true. Every goddamn one of them, and more._

Seth reached his mother and ignored the hand she stretched out towards him. It was her, his own mom, who had finally sent him fully over to anger. Taking up with Charlie bleedin' Swan, one of Harry's best friends, scarcely a year after his death. Seth sent Charlie a glare that would have made most men quail. The Chief of Police though had a file on Seth Clearwater thicker than his own mustache, and was not daunted by the younger man's posturing. Seth remembered their first altercation, the day Sue had announced to her children that Charlie would be moving in with them.

"_I have covered for you more times than I'm proud to admit," Charlie had told him sternly. "Now I don't like to worry your mother, but I have to be professional too. I will not turn a blind eye anymore, Seth. If you get drunk and disorderly, or beat the crap out of a passing trucker, you will be charged appropriately."_

_Charlie had his busiest month ever. Seth made damn sure to keep the Chief away from Sue's bed at nights by keeping himself in trouble. Finally, Charlie had advised Sue to throw him out the house. She had sat Seth down for a stern talking to, lamenting the loss of the sweet boy she had raised. _

"_He left with dad," was the only answer she got. He found himself out on the street less than an hour later._

_Old Quil had taken him in that night, and many other nights after that when he hadn't found a girl to stay with. The old man had asked him about himself, and pleaded with him not to throw his life away. He had even intervened when Sam wanted to Alpha order Seth to stay on the res and out of trouble. Seth had questioned Old Quil's motives after that one._

"_You need to see this on your own, son," he had said sadly. "An order will make you angrier."_

Seth reached the casket. He felt the eyes of the entire tribe boring into his back as he dropped to his knees and tried to muster the tears he knew should be welling up right about now. The body that lay in the casket represented the demise of the last person who ever really cared about Seth. The last person who really saw who he was. Not just an invisible boy, or a hellraiser, but the deep hurt and anger that had led him to where he was now.

And where was he now? he wondered. Several outstanding criminal charges. A well earned reputation as a thug and a womaniser. No money to his name that was earned legally. No place of residence that could be called a home. His last conversation with Old Quil came to him.

"_It's not too late, Seth. Your mother and sister love you. You could show Sam everything and he would explain it to the pack. You would have to work hard but you could gain their respect and trust again, son."_

"_What's the point?" Seth had barked. Old Quil didn't flinch at his tone. He was used to it. He was just glad that this tormented young man still spoke to him at all. He spoke to so few people, and never honestly or openly the way he did with Old Quil._

"_The point, Seth, is love." It wasn't the first time they had had this conversation. "It's the meaning of love, Seth. People can forgive any hurt when there is love. And you are loved. But you have to accept it, son."_

Seth waited for his tears to flow. They didn't. Standing again, he hung his head momentarily. This was it. This was where he could choose to accept the love Old Quil had spoken about. He could change his ways and find his old self again. The meaning of love would allow it to happen. Old Quil had been so sure of that.

Turning slowly, Seth faced the congregated tribe. His eyes went back over the people he had seen on his way up the hall.

Charlie. Charlie had loved his daughter with all that he had. She had killed herself and chosen an eternity of bloodlust rather than accept his love. It killed him, but he buried his grief in his work and Seth's mother.

Sue. Sue had loved her first husband, or so she had said. She had replaced him quickly enough, though. She claimed to love her children. Neither spoke to her much after she had taken up with Charlie so quickly, but she carried on with her life as though everything was just fine.

Billy. Billy had loved his son. He had been forced to sit idly by and watch while the future Chief of the tribe, the father of the future Alpha of the wolfpack, had turned his back firmly on his destiny and chosen his mortal enemies instead. Billy continued to run his tribe as though it had a future, when the truth was that there was nobody to hand it on to.

Sam. Sam had claimed to love Leah. He had been quick to throw her away when his imprint arrived on the scene though. He hadn't been able to muster any fight for Leah at all. Seth still saw his pain and guilt over Leah on the odd occasion he phased. Pain and guilt that he hid from Emily.

_Screw that. If love is so meaningful, why the fuck were they all hurting so much? _

Leah. Only Leah had found any kind of comfort through love. She deserved it, Seth acknowledged. She was looking at him beseechingly, now. Don't make a fuss. Don't create a scene.

His feet were moving before he even knew the decision had been made. They carried him back down the aisle and out of the hall. He slammed the door behind him on his way out.

Half an hour later, he was buried inside one of his favourite girls, the wife of an old school friend. She would let him shower and probably feed him too, before her schmuck of a husband got home from the funeral. Then she would hug her husband and listen to his tale of how that troublemaker Seth Clearwater had bizarrely turned up at the funeral before storming out again before it even started. She would probably make love with him that night in the same bed she was currently allowing Seth to fuck her senseless in.

The meaning of love, indeed. At least, Seth thought, he was honest.


End file.
